Hogwarts Idol
by SuperiorDancerChick
Summary: Welcome to Hogwarts Idol, the wizarding world's first reality show! Who can sing, who will win, and who is actually sane? Read to find out! Reviews appreciated!
1. Round 1 Opera

**Hogwarts Idol**

A/N: Hey everybody! This is a fic i originally posted on HPFF, but when i tried to submit the second season, they said they no longer accept karaoke fics, so I came here. Hopefully you'll enjoy it!

Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter, any of the songs used, or Idol.

'Hello, and welcome to Hogwarts Idol, I'm your host, SuperiorDancerChick!' said the host. 'And I'm your other host, Erin!' said Erin. The crowd cheered and clapped. 'Tonight, we have 10 contestants, all ready and rearing to go! But first, let's meet our judges: Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts, Lee Jordan, the Hogwarts Quidditch commentator, and Professor Sprout, Hogwarts herbology teacher. Let's give them a big hand!' SuperiorDancerChick and Erin pulled out huge polystyrene hands and waved them in the air. The audience followed their example, and raised their giant polystyrene hands too. 'Alright! Now, let's meet the contestants! All from Gryffindor house, Harry Potter! Ronald Weasley-' 'It's RON, okay, not Ronald!' Ron interrupted. 'Okay, RON Weasley! Hermione Granger! Ginny Weasley! Neville Longbottom! Ha! Longbottom! Ha ha ha! Um, sorry, anyway, Lily Potter! Hey, wait, aren't you dead?' SDC asked. 'Oh, yeah, well, I came back for this contest. James couldn't make it. Oh, Harry, you look so much like your father, dear.' Lily said, then ran over to Harry and began kissing him. 'Um, right. From Slytherin house, Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson! And all the way from the teacher's lounge: Professors McGonagall and Snape! Let's give them a big hand!' Erin pulled out her giant polystyrene hand again.

'Alright, let's start. Harry, you're up first! And remember, for this round, any song you sing must be in your best opera voice!' SDC announced, then ran off stage, doing splits in mid air along the way. Harry walked confidently to the front of the stage, little knowing his fly was undone, smiling happily he began to sing 'Welcome To My Life' in a high pitched voice:

_'No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
With no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life- '_

'Thank you, Harry.' Erin said.' Judges, what are your marks?' Dumbledore held up a 7, Professor Sprout and Lee Jordan held up 6s. 'Alright, you know what the judges think! And, uh, Harry, just to let you know, your fly's undone.' A flustered Harry ran extremely quickly off the stage.

'Now, our next contestant, Ron Weasley!' Ron walked gingerly up, avoiding SDC's kicks and jumps. Looking down to check his fly, he began to sing in a deep opera voice:

_Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there!_

_I tell ya  
Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me  
walk right by me  
And never know I'm there. . . '_

Looking strait through Ron, SDC mouthed to the judges 'Has he gone yet?' 'Um, hello? Didn't you hear me? I just had my go!' Ron fumed. SDC and Erin jumped around looking startled. 'Oh! There you are Ron! Didn't see you there. Sorry. Anyway, what are his scores?' Dumbledore and Sprout held up a 9 and Lee held up an 8. 'Wow! That was a good score! Next we have Hermione!' Hermione stepped up, trembling in excitement. She began to sing in a very high pitched voice:

_It shouldn't take forever  
To put it all together_

_If you can't do the math  
Then get out of the equation  
I am calling you back  
This is 69_

_Is it a minus or a plus  
Does enough equal enough  
If you can't do the math  
Then nothing adds up  
Tell me why I'm here_ '

'Wow! Thank you, Hermione! Judges?' Erin asked. All three judges held up a 9. 'Wow! That's the best score yet! Too bad it doesn't matter at all, I'm just putting it for the sake of the story…' SDC trailed off as Hermione scowled at her. 'Anyway, next we have Ginny, and wow, she's wearing a Kucci original! Don't forget, it's opera style!' Erin finished. Ginny began, looking and sounding _extremely_ like an opera singer:

'_Trying to find the magic  
Trying to write a classic  
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?  
Waste-bin full of paper  
Clever rhymes, see you later_

_These words are my own  
From my heart flow  
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you  
There's no other way  
To better say  
I love you, I love you..._'

Ginny's voice reached it's crescendo, all the glasses in the room shattered. 'Wow! Awesome Ginny! Judges?' SDC gasped, removing her fingers from her ears. All judges held up a ten. 'Oh, well done Ginny! Everyone, let's give her a big hand!' SDC and Erin once again pulled out their big polystyrene hands. 'Next up, Neville Longbottom! Ha! Longbottom! Um, sorry…'SDC giggled nervously, and pirouetted off of the stage. Neville began, in a high-pitched squeak. Unfortunately for poor Neville, part way through his song, his voice broke and deepened, and he ended in a barely audible bass voice. The audience were enthralled for the rest of the night by the wit of SDC and Erin, and the fine singing of the other contestants. McGonagall's heart-felt rendition of 'Everybody Wants To Be A Cat' touched the audience, while Snape's pitiful performance of 'Pretty Woman' had the audience howling in pain. Pansy surprised everybody with her manly interpretation of 'Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star' and Lily embarrassed the whole crowd by singing 'I'm Just Wild About Harry' while staring fixedly at her son.

Drum roll

'And now for the grand finale…' SDC and Erin announced 'Slytherin's favourite slime ball, the one-' 'the only-' 'well, who'd want another one?' _dun dun dun_ 'Draco Malfoy!' Draco shot SDC and Erin a dirty look and flourished his wand, as he began to sing his all-time favourite song:

_'Oooooh…_

_Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)  
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!  
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)  
If nautical nonsense be something you wish...  
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)  
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!  
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)  
SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!  
SpongeBob SquarePants!  
SpongeBob... SquarePants!'_

As Draco threw himself to his knees and hollered his last 'Squarepants' of the song, every mouth in the school hung open in disbelief. As the echoes of Draco's voice died away, a silence as deep as, well, something very deep, yawned across the crowd. Finally, Draco stamped to his feet and, to the sound of his own footsteps, left the stage in a huff. 'Oooooooookaaaaay. Judges, what did you make of that? And, no, you can't give the score in negatives.' Erin stifled a giggle as the judges held up 1's. Draco leered around the curtain and shouted 'Did I mention that my father will kill you all if I don't win?!' The judges quickly held up the 0's next to the 1's, making them 10's.The audience broke into scattered applause and pulled out big hands. As Draco smiled menacingly, SDC announced a commercial break.

A/N: Okay, everyone! What did you think? You can tell me by just leaving a review in that little box! Thank you!


	2. Round 2 Hip Hop

**Hogwarts Idol: Round 2: Hip Hop**

A/N: Hey everyone! We're back for Round two of Hogwarts Idol! Enjoy!

As the lights dimmed on the set of Hogwarts Idol, the audience buzzed in anticipation. Suddenly, the sound of The Black Eyed Peas singing "Hey Mama" burst out of the speakers, and the spotlight hit SDC and Erin. 'Ouch! That hurt!' they shouted, before breaking into a stunning hip hop routine. As they ended, the crowd erupted into cheers (and tables), a slightly out of breath SDC faced her audience and above the cheering, shouted 'Word up homies! Welcome back to Hogwarts Idol, y'all! I'm ya host, SDC-' 'And I'm ya other host, Erin!' gasped a profusely perspiring Erin. SDC grinned and went on 'This round, all nine remaining peeps must sing in hip hop style!' SDC explained. 'Yo, respect to Nev, who crashed and burned in last night's Opera round! Yo, without further ado, let's give it up for our first homeboy, Harry Potter!' Erin and SDC pulled out their big polystyrene hands again. The spotlight swung onto Harry, standing to one side of the stage wearing his black hoodie up and as the lights caught and flared on his bling, he began to sing:

_Guess who's back  
Back again  
Harry's back  
Tell a friend  
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back  
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back.._

_Now this looks like a job for me  
So everybody, just follow me  
Cause we need a little, controversy  
Hogwarts feels so empty, without me  
I said this looks like a job for me  
So everybody, just follow me  
Cause we need a little, controversy  
Hogwarts feels so empty, without me_

Erin turned to the judges, Dumbledore, Lee Jordan and Professor Sprout, who were already on their feet, dancing and waving the nine point score cards above their heads. 'Sweet as, homeboy! Next up, we got Prof. Snape! Give it up, homies!' Erin boomed.

Snape walked on stage, wearing a suit and horn-rimmed glasses, with his hair slicked back. A murmur of curiosity ran through the crowd and Snape stepped up to the microphone and began to sing:

_Be bop a lu la  
She's my baby  
Be bop a lu la  
I don't mean mayb-_'

'What? That ain't hip hop!' SDC exclaimed. 'What do you mean it's not hip hop?!' Snape retorted. 'Well, it's like, NOT!' Erin sighed exasperatedly. 'Okay, who told him this was hip hop?' she questioned the crowd. The Gryffindor Quidditch team all stared innocently at the ceiling. 'Well? Oh, we don't have time for this! Next!' SDC cried. 'Oh, it's you Professor McGonagall! I hope you've researched your song a little better than _SOMEONE_ I could mention.' SDC stared pointedly at Snape.

As she walked on stage with her baseball cap on backwards, she called out 'Yo, homegirl, it ain't McGonagall, **M.C. Gonagall** is in da house! And you can't touch this.' As she broke into the old M.C. Hammer song, the students looked rather disturbed at the sight of their Transfiguration teacher break dancing. Dumbledore led Lee and Professor Sprout holding up his 8 point card and yelling 'Yo, Minerva, ya sure know how to busta move girl!'

The performances of the other contestants passed in a blur of excitement. Everyone obeyed when Hermione blasted out the Black Eyed Peas' 'Shut up'. Ginny brought the house down with another top score, singing 'Trick Me' by Kelis. And once again, Lily weirded the place out by singing 'Crazy In Love' and staring fixedly at Harry. Pansy stunned everyone with an amazing freestyle rap version of 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'. The hall was really amped up, with Draco on next.

SDC danced to the front of the stage. 'Yo! The next phat contestant up is…Draco Malfoy?! Not that crazy little gangsta again! Okay, take it way, Draco!' Draco shuffled in, looking moodier than Snoop Doggy Dog. He fixed the audience with an evil glare and began to rap…..

_'Word up! Which homie lives in a pineapple unda tha sea?_

_(SpongeBob Squarepants!)_

_Absorbent and yellow and phat is this brotha!  
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)  
If nautical nonsense be something you wish...  
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)  
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!_

_Draco breaks into mad break dance  
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)  
SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!  
SpongeBob SquarePants!  
SpongeBob... SquarePants!'_

As he finished, Draco glared around the hall, and said 'Yo! Remember, homies, what I told u about my father!' The crowd broke into slightly panicked applause, and once again the judges held up surprisingly high scores. (i.e. Something more than 0). 'Thank you, thank you!' Draco yelled as he conjured up flowers for himself. SDC danced up again and said 'Okay, that's quite enough from Draco. And now, to end our evening, our last contestant, Rappin' Ron Weasley!'

_In this context, there's no disrespect, so, when I bust my rhyme, you break your necks.  
We got five minutes for us to disconnect, from all intellect collect the rhythm effect._

_Obstacles are inefficient, follow your intuition, free your inner soul and break away from tradition.  
Coz when we beat out, girl it's pullin without. You wouldn't believe how we wow stuff out.  
Burn it till it's burned out. Turn it till it's turned out. Act up from north, west, east, south._

"Come on everybody, join in with me on the chorus!" Ron yelled

_Everybody, everybody, let's get into it.  
Get stupid.  
He's retarded, he's retarded, he's retarded.  
Draco's retarded (ha), Draco's retarded in here. Draco's retarded (ha), Draco's retarded in here.  
Draco's retarded (ha), Draco's retarded in here. Draco's retarded (ha), Draco's retarded in here.  
Yeah._

The crowd went wild! Everybody stood up cheering madly. Above the incredible noise, SDC and Erin managed to yell 'Okay, we think we have a winner for tonight's round! Rap it again, Ron!'

Everybody except Draco chanted the chorus twenty times until they were hoarse. As Draco stalked off, SDC called out 'Thank you all for coming, stay tuned for tomorrow night's show!'

A/N: Yo peeps! Please leave a review and tell me what you thought! Peace out!


	3. Round 3 Duets

**Hogwarts Idol: Round 3: Duets**

Backstage at the end of round 2.

SDC and Erin called the contestants together backstage – 'Hi everybody!' called Erin cheerfully. 'Hi Dr. Nick!' chorused the idols……. 'Um, we're the hosts, SDC and Erin. This isn't the Simpsons, you know.' SDC scolded them.

'Anyways, we're sorry to say that Pansy isn't going through to the next round. We just want to wish you every success in the future, Pansy. Just hope you realise that future isn't singing, girlfriend, but respec' an awl, yu dun reely gud.' said SDC suddenly sounding like Ali G. 'Okay, for tomorrow night's show, you peeps have to do duets!' Erin announced. The contestants looked at each other, and then back at SDC and Erin, bewildered. 'So just so you get some time to prepare, you get to pick your partners and songs now. Remember, you need to have a boy/girl partnership, and the judges are looking for: suitable song choice, working as a team and suitable costumes. And, tomorrow night, **two of you will be fired** .' SDC grinned. The contestants groaned. 'So, carry on, pick your partners!' Erin smiled much too innocently.

Harry was instantly grabbed by his mother, who hugged him to her side. He threw a pleading glance at Ginny, but already realised that all hope was lost.

The other contestants were slower to react and milled around in confusion for a few moments, Snape looked pleadingly at McGonagall who reluctantly nodded, Ron was about to step towards his sister when he was yanked sideways by Hermione "You're singing with me, Ron" she hissed "No ways I'm paring up with that git Malfoy".

Ginny stood up from tying her shoelace, and stared around in increasing horror as she realised that only Draco was left "I'm not singing with HIM! He'll make me sing SpongeBob! It's stupid and….and...it's not even a duet!!!!" she howled and burst into tears.

"We know exactly how you feel girlfriend" said SDC and Erin " but these are the rules, and he's the only one left, don't worry it's only one song, and you're totally winning anyway".

'Huh?!" exclaimed the other contestants. SDC and Erin backed out of the stage as they muttered amognst themselves. "Hey, I thought the scores didn't matter – just like on who's line is it anyway"Ron said , "She's not so good – my song was totally more hip-hop than hers was"Snape grumbled, "What, I'm not top??!!" Hermione was in shock."You're the best lovee, you're going to win" Lily said reassuringly to Harry; and Harry just stared blankly thinking "I'm screwed…."

The next morning, SDC came into the studio. She found four practice rooms already occupied by the contestants. She found Erin and they both quietly went round seeing what the contestants were doing. They heard Hermione shouting from a room at the end of the corridor. 'No way am I doing a cheesy _Disney _song!' 'Well, then how about the song Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson did at the MTV music awards? You know, the one with the wardrobe malfunction?' Ron suggested. 'Uh uh, NOT going there, Ron.' SDC and Erin decided it was better to leave them to it, and went and got some pizza before carrying on to the next room. They peeked around the door and saw McGonagall and Snape bickering about their choice of song. 'I'm not going to go up there and sing 'Lost Inside of You!' Snape protested. 'Oh, come on! You know I can make you if I wanted to!' McGonagall said in a soft, threatening voice. 'Uh, come on, let's go.' Erin whispered to SDC. 'You're right, this could get ugly.' SDC replied. 'Not that Snape could get much worse!' They both doubled over in silent giggles as they walked to the next room.

'Oh, Harry dear, let's do 'For Longer Than Forever'!' Lily suggested. 'It was in your favourite movie when you were little!' 'Uh, that was _your_ favourite movie, Mother, I was only one year old!' said Harry, exasperated. 'Let's do something simple, and STOP staring at me like that!'

They were surprised to hear the gentle sounds of 'Tea For Two' coming from the next practice room. Ginny and Malfoy were standing together, singing rather sweetly, so SDC said, 'Oh, you guys are getting on pretty well, then.' 'Yes' said Draco, smiling evilly. 'I had to agree with Ginny, SpongeBob wasn't the best duet.' Erin and SDC gaped. Draco agreed with Ginny?!?! SDC pinched herself, then Erin just to make sure they weren't dreaming.

The day passed with the contestants gradually coming to terms with their partners and actually practicing their songs. SDC and Erin ate pizza and tried to avoid the tense practice rooms as much as possible. The one bit of excitement was when Erin caught Lee Jordan sneaking around the practice rooms, trying to sign up the best singers to his own record company. 'I can get you all the best gigs! The Quidditch finals! The Hogwarts end-of-year feasts! Friday nights at the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade!' He shouted as the security trolls dragged him off.

Finally, the hall filled with excited Hogwarts students, and the curtain rose on Hogwarts Idol, Round 3…

SDC and Erin stood at the centre of the stage dressed identically, and looking **hot**!!!! The band struck a dramatic chord and without missing a beat the SDC and Erin rapped their intro, rapping alternate words so fluently it was like a single voice,

_"Welcome all to Hogwarts Idol,_

_the talent quest, without rival,_

_Duets are what we bring tonight,_

_the best of sounds for your delight!"_

The crowds' wild applause filled the hall.

"Whooo, hooo, hi there Hogwarts, are you ready for a good time?" continued SDC and Erin, still speaking alternately. "Our first contestants tonight will be, from that famous wizarding family, all the way from Gryffindor house, give it up for….Harry and Lily Potter, singing Sonny and Cher's 'I Got You Babe'!!!!!"

Harry and Lily stumbled onto the stage wearing flared flower patterned trousers, cheesecloth shirts and mile-high platform shoes. As Harry swayed trying to balance on his stilt like platforms, Lily flicked the hair on her knee length black wig over her shoulder – the weight of the hair nearly dragged her over backwards and her arms flailed madly for a moment.

At the end of their song, after SDC and Erin's ever warm, witty and oh so encouraging words, and the judges cold, somber and oh so discouraging 5.0 scores Harry and Lilly turned to leave the stage arm in arm. The heel of Harry's platforms caught in the leg of his flared trousers and he began to fall, dragging Lily with him – "Timberrrrrrr!!" called SDC as, almost in slow motion, they fell. The paramedic wizards were at the scene in seconds. Wands whirled and potions were applied, and in a trice, Harry and Lily were up, up and away!

"Alright, after that, um, fashion accident, and we mean the costumes, not the fall, our next contestants are Ron and Hermione, singing 'My Boo' by Usher and Alicia Keys!" SDC and Erin announced, still alternating words, like something that alternates words really, really well.

Ron and Hermione strode out confidently, looking like they'd conjured their clothes straight from the video clip (which they had). Hermione looked way cool, but Usher's clothes didn't look too stunning on Ron's pale complexion and vivid red hair. Still the audience went wild, and the judges nodded approvingly. After a quiet pause and Ron and Hermione sang:-

(Ron)

_'It started when we were young girl  
You were mine my boo  
Now another brother's taking over  
But it's still in your eyes my boo  
Even though we used to argue it's alright  
I know we haven't seen each other  
In awhile but you will always be my boo_

(Hermione:)  
_I was in love with you when we were younger  
You were mine my boo  
And I see it from time to time  
I still feel like my boo  
And I can see it no matter  
How I try to hide my boo  
Even though there's another man in my life  
You will always be my boo_

_I don't know bout cha'll  
But I know about us and uh  
This is the only way  
We know how to rock  
I don't know bout cha'll  
But I know about us and uh  
This is the only way  
We know how to rock'_

There was a moment of stunned silence, while the crowd stared in amazement, they'd never heard them sing so well. The way they looked at each other, it was almost as if…., as if…..they were in love!!!!!

Then the entire hall burst into thunderous applause which lasted for several minutes, as the judges waved their ten point score cards high in the air. Lee Jordan was frantically waving a contract before the security guards dragged him off…again. "Wow! Ron, we didn't know you could be so intense, and Hermione, we thought you liked Harry!' Erin and SDC said, when finally they could be heard above the crowd.

"The next contestants, singing Elton John and Kiki Dee's 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' are Professor Snape and the hippest hopper in the staff room, M.C. Gonagall!!!!!!". The sounds of 'Can't touch this' boomed out as they reached the stage.

M.C. Gongall was wearing a hoodie, track pants and lotsa bling. Snape was the spitting image of Elton John (no doubt the effects of one of M.C. Gonagall's transfiguration spells). He was wearing awesome cough _not _cough glasses and a sparkly rainbow suit.

M.C. Gonagall had rearranged the song as a rap and she rocked. Snape on the other hand, well….he tried…and failed…miserably.

The audience was split between idolization of M.C. Gongall and faint embarrassment for Snape.

The judges gave their verdict: ranging from a ten from Dumbledore (M.C. Gonagall's greatest fan) to a 2 from Lee Jordan, who had several times failed potions in Snape's class. Professor Sprout balanced things out with an even 6.

'Well, thank you judges. We would just like to say that M.C. Gonagall, your bling is just the thing! But Snape, your bling is so wrong, in fact it's just completely **BLONG **" SDC and Erin had everyone laughing. Snape sniffed and stalked from the stage, trying to give everybody the evil eye, but nobody could tell behind those stupid glasses.

"Our final contestants tonight, the oddest of odd couples – Ginny and Draco. They will be singing that ancient show tune 'Tea for two' (No we've never heard of it either), please give them a big hand" (Erin and SDC wave the big polystyrene hands above their heads), the audience suddenly remembered theirs from round one and grabbed them from under their chairs.

Draco moved onto the stage, grinning maliciously his Hogwarts cloak drawn tightly around him. Ginny looked suspiciously at Draco as she stepped onto the stage, wearing a 1950's dance band singers dress. "Where's your tuxedo Malfoy?" she hissed from the corner of her mouth.

As the band began to play the "tea for two' music, Draco flung open his cloak to reveal his square leather pants, white shirt and red tie. He raced to the front of the stage and began to chant those oh so familiar words,

_ 'Who lives in a pineapple under the sea  
SpongeBob SquarePants  
Absorbent & yellow & as porous is he  
SpongeBob SquarePants  
if nautical nonsense be something you wish  
SpongeBob SquarePants………………….'_

The audience groaned, the judges stared in amazement, SDC and Erin gaped, mouths working silently like stunned goldfish. Ginny stood smoldering, arms crossed, foot tapping the floor angrily, "I warned you Malfoy!!!" she shrieked "if you tried to sing that stupid song I'd kick your butt from here to California!". Draco looked around in mock surprise, "What's wrong? This is the best song about the bestest hero ever, and where's California anyway????" . "It's where you'll be when I finish kicking your butt" said Ginny and swung a kick that would have made David Beckham proud. Draco sailed over the audience and landed at his father's feet. "Hi Dad, is this California?" mumbled a dazed Draco, and collapsed into unconsciousness.

The show broke up in confusion, SDC and Erin calmed the audience and persuaded them to leave without doing further harm to Draco. Before the audience left, SDC, Erin and the judges promising that a fair way to decide the result of tonight's round would be found, and that Ginny would not be penalized for her partner hijacking their song. As the audience left, SDC and Erin collapsed on top of the judges table, extremely glad that the show was over. 'Let's go and see who can kick Draco the farthest!' Erin suggested. 'Alright, sounds good!' SDC replied and they happily ran up to where Draco was lying unconscious, and kicked him for all he was worth. Lucky the cameras were off….

A/N: Yes folks stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of "Hogwarts Idol', and don't forget to review!


	4. Round 4 Movie Songs

**Hogwarts Idol: Round 4: Movie Songs**

A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own any of the songs used, any of the characters, or any of the movies from which the songs come from.They are all the fabulous work of J.K. Rowling, movie studios and singers/actors.

The stage lit up, the audience cheered and the music from 'Bring It On' started up. SDC and Erin were standing on the stage wearing identical shimmering purple cheerleading costumes. They began to cheer: 'Brr, it's cold in here! There must be some idols in the atmosphere! I said brr, it's cold in here! There must be some idols in the atmosphere!' They were joined by another 20 cheerleaders in matching costumes, but not as cool as the ones SDC and Erin were wearing. 'O-e, o-e, o, ice, ice, ice!' 'Slow it down now' 'O-e, o-e, o, ice, ice, ice!' The music got louder and the cheerleaders, SDC and Erin broke into a stunning routine.

When they were finished, the crowd cheered wildly and after they had quieted down, SDC and Erin called to their audience 'Hey y'all! Welcome to the next exciting night of Hogwarts Idol! We're your hosts-' 'SDC-' 'and Erin!' They both bowed. 'Before we start tonight's round, which is gonna be songs from movies, we'd just like to say that after last round's rather unfortunate accident, Harry and Lily will not be able to compete in the rest of the competition, because Madame Pomfrey is on holiday in the Bahamas.' SDC announced.

The audience 'awwwwed' after looking at the big neon sign above them. 'But, that leaves us with five very talented contestants…..and Snape. And they are ready to perform tonight!' Erin said into the microphone. 'So first up, here's Ron!'

Ron walked out wearing a little black jacket, green pants and a top hat. Twirling a bright pink umbrella which Hermione had assured him was 'very in', he began to sing (very badly):

_When you wish upon a star  
Makes no difference who you are  
Anything your heart desires  
Will come to you  
If your heart is in your dream  
No request is too extreme  
When you wish upon a star  
As dreamers do  
Fate is kind  
She brings to those to love  
The sweet fulfillment of  
Their secret longing  
Like a bolt out of the blue  
Fate steps in and sees you through  
When you wish upon a star  
Your dreams come true_

'Gosh, Ron, when we said songs from movies, we meant bearable ones!' SDC exclaimed. 'Yeah, not cheesy Disney songs!' Erin sighed. 'Oh well, I guess you're having a bad day.' The judges held up score cards with 4 printed on them, and Ron walked disappointedly off the stage. 'Okay, next up, we've got Hermione! Hopefully she'll do better than Ron did!' SDC called. Hermione came out wearing a nun's habit, and the crowd burst out laughing. SDC and Erin groaned. 'Oh, please, no!' they sighed. Hermione began to sing:

_'Essays on werewolves and potions with Snapey  
Bright flying sparks and making things levitate-y  
Three headed monsters tied up with strings  
These are a few of my favorite things_

_Cream coloured parchment and acid-tipped quills  
Fire breathing dragons burning my windowsill  
Spell books and cauldrons and furry bat wings  
These are a few of my favorite things_

_When the three headed dog bites  
When the abnormally large bee stings,_

_When I'm feeling sad  
I simply remember my favorite things  
And then I feel real bad-- '_

'STOP!!!!!!' screamed SDC and Erin together. 'We pant can't cringe take wince it anymore shudder' they managed to gasp. The judges removed their fingers from their ears and gave their scores. Dumbledore held up a 5, Lee a 3 and Professor Sprout a 4. 'Oh, no! I didn't get top marks!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!' Hermione shrieked and broke down into tears. 'Well, did you expect to, singing THAT?' Erin asked her. 'YES!' she screeched. 'Okay, okay… next up we have Professor Snape!' SDC called. Snape walked out, wearing his 'Prince Charming' outfit and cherry lip gloss. He ripped off his shirt to reveal his perfectly un-toned abs and the whole crowd cringed in disgust.

_'I'm too sexy for my shirt,_

_Too sexy for my shirt,_

_So sexy it hurts!_

_And I'm, too sexy for your body_

_Too sexy for your body,_

_The way I'm-'_

Puss in Boots leapt out from behind the curtain. 'Prey for mercy from Puss…in Boots, you singing monstrosity!' he cried. 'We must destroy him!' 'Already got it covered.' SDC said, holding out a large red button with the words 'Getting Rid of Snape Device' printed on it. Erin pressed it and Snape fell through the trap door. 'Victory is ours! Aren't we supposed to be having a fiesta?!' Puss yelled. 'No, you're in the wrong story.' Said Erin. 'Oh, eh, sorry…' Puss trailed off and fled the stage. 'Right, after that rather disturbing performance, next up is M.C. Gonagall!!!!!!' SDC called. 'YAY!!!!' An over-excited girl ran out from the crowd and onto the stage. 'Omigod! M.C. Gonagall! I'm your greatest fan! Can I have your autograph?!' she yelled. M.C. Gonagall was about to reply when the security guards came and dragged the girl off the stage. M.C. Gonagall stepped up and began to sing 'Lose Yourself' from 8 Mile.

Meanwhile, backstage….

'Hey, Malfoy?' Ginny asked. 'Yeah?' Draco spat. 'Could you help me out during my song?' she asked innocently. 'What do you want me to do?' he asked suspiciously. 'Oh, just lie at the front of the stage. Don't worry. You'll still be able to do your song,' she assured him, then muttered 'In California!' 'Well……' Draco pondered for a moment. 'Yeah, alright.'

Back onstage…

'Thank you, M.C. Gonagall!' SDC cheered. The judges had given her the best marks so far. 'Okay, next up, we've got Ginny!' Erin announced. Ginny walked out in her sparkly 'Chicago' dress. SDC and Erin waved their wands and they were wearing similar dresses. Draco lay at the front of the stage. Ginny began singing:

_'He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!_

Ginny walked over to Draco and kicked him with every line she sang.

_"How could you tell me that I was wrong?" _she finished proudly.

The crowd cheered wildly. The judges were waving ten point score cards, and Draco lay groaning on the ground. SDC and Erin waved their wands, and they were back in their cheerleader costumes. 'Oh, wow, Ginny, that was awesome!' Erin called. 'Yeah, amazing!' said SDC. 'Thank you!' Ginny yelled, waving at the crowd, and walking off stage. 'Right, lastly, if he's up to it, we've got Draco!' Erin called. Draco stumbled forward, yelling manically, 'Ha! You can't stop me now! SpongeBob IS a movie! Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!' Then he began those oh-so familiar (and annoying) words:

_'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….._

_Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?_

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

_Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!_

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

_If nautical nonsense be something you wish!_

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

_Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!_

_SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!_

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

_SpongeBob Squarepaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaants!_'

The crowd stared. The judges held up scores of 3. Draco leered around the curtain again, but fell over when Ginny kicked him again from behind. 'Thank you all for coming, and stay tuned for next round, where we're singing Britney Spears songs!!' SDC yelled. 'Thank you!' called Erin. The remaining male contestants groaned. This just wasn't their night.

A/N: Hey everybody! Hope u liked it! Please keep reviewing!


	5. Round 5 Britney Spears

**Hogwarts Idol Round 5: Britney Spears Songs**

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, they all belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, and all of the songs belong to Britney Spears/Virgin Records, and Hermione's song is from Mugglenet's song parodies. So it's all theirs, not mine. Nothing. Zilch. Nada .

The stage lit up, music began playing, and SDC and Erin bounded walked onto the stage to thunderous applause from the demented Hogwarts crowd. They were wearing matching outfits which had been conjured from Britney's _Baby One More Time_ video. 'Hey everyone!' SDC hollered."Wasssupppppp?".

'Welcome back to Hogwarts Idol for round 5!' Erin called. 'We're sorry to say that Ron had to go-' the crowd booed. 'But just remember as much as we love Ron, and (some of ) the others who have now left the competition, there can only be one Hogwarts Idol, and to find out who that star might be, here's Hermione to start us off!'

The lights cut dramatically to Hermione, who strode out wearing jeans, and a sparkly top (and Hermione being a witch, it really DID spark!), and to the bemusement of the crowd, levitating her text books behinds her. As the crowds applause died away, her books began to float around her and she sang She began to sing:

_"Every time I open books_

_Ron and Harry give me that funny look_

_O.W.L's account for so much more_

_More than any exams ever did before_

_I know I'm crazy_

_I just can't sleep_

_I gotta study_

_Or else I'll freak_

_Crazy_

_But it feels alright_

_Baby charms and potions keep me up all night._

_Crazy_

_I just can't sleep_

_I gotta study_

_I'm gonna freak_

_Crazy_

_But it feels alright_

_Charms and potions every niiiiiiiiight!!!"._

As she finished the books snapped dramatically shut, and, the crowds cheers filled the hall. Hermione took a bow and skipped off, waving to the crowd, and managing a peak or two at her books on the way.

SDC and Erin magically reappeared, this time wearing outfits from _Toxic_ , their own study materials floated around them (copies of Girlfriend, Creme and other cool teen mags).

'Judges, how did she score?' SDC asked. All three held up #8 cards.

'Well done!, Hermione, looks like you'll be studying for next weeks round' Erin quipped. 'Next up's…Snape,' she spat the last word disgustedly.

The crowd squirmed as Snape skipped gayly out wearing one of the _Baby one more time_ outfits SDC and Erin had been wearing (yes, the same one….SDC wasn't about to wear _that_ again in a hurry.)

To accompany this '10-sizes-too-small' outfit, he was wearing a ridiculous blonde wig, and his hairy legs and knobbly knees were on display for all to cringe at.

As the harsh spot lights glared on this scary apparition, he began to sing _Toxic_ (he's the potions master, get it??).

Halfway through his performance, as he snapped into another grotesque parody of a Britney stance, his blonde wig fell off, but he didn't notice, he just kept prancing around and singing out of key. The crowd were starting to cower under their seats and the braver ones were throwing rotten eggs at Snape. This was about as much as SDC and Erin could take. 'SECURITY!!!' they screamed. Two trolls in Men in Black suits came out and dragged Snape offstage. 'You'll pay for this in Potions!' he ranted manically.

'I don't think we need to ask, but what was his score?' Erin glanced at the judges. Again, the vote was unanimous. 'Zero, nada and zilch, thank you judges, that's more than he deserved' SDC announced, solemnly she continued 'The organizers of Hogwarts idol would like to deny any responsibility for Snape's performance tonight, we believe he has been under a lot of strain recently and there has been a full moon'..

"Okay party peeps, the suffering is over and now its time for the hippest of the hoppers, give it up for the rappin'est rapster of them all, Yes I think it's time for M.C. Gonagall!' _Can't Touch This_ played as M.C. G strutted up. "Boooyaaaa!! Peaceout my homies' she shouted and she was about to sing, when the same over-excited girl from last night's show flew towards the stage on her broomstick yelling 'Ha ha! You can't stop me now!' to the Men In Black trolls, who were still preoccupied with evicting Snape.

'Can I have your autograph?' she begged M.C. Gonagall. MC G smiled and conjured her an over sized picture of herself on to a T-shir that the girl was holding out. 'Thanks!' yelled the girl and she mounted her broom. She and took off, grinning happily, but suddenly, she was knocked to the ground as Dumbledore swung a bludger at her, "Off the stage!!!" his angry voice boomed through the hall.

'It was all worth it!'she cried as she fell to the ground. As the medi-wizards dragged her towards the hospital wing, the crowd could hear her plaintiff screams. 'I don't care about the broken arm! I want to stay and see M.C. Gonagall!'

M.C. Gonagall snapped out a wicked break dance routine to get the audiences attention focused, and burst into her rapped up version of _Me Against The Music_. The crowd applauded wildly. The judges were waving 9 point score cards around in the air (Dumbledore was waving a 9 point AND a 10 point card, but nobody took much notice of him). "Nicely done, M.C. Gonagall! You go girl' Erin shouted in her best rap gangsta voice. All of a sudden, Erin was interrupted as a girl burst from behind the curtains and began to recite: 'Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou, Romeo?! Deny thy-'

'Um, excuse me! Excuse me!' SDC called, signaling the MIB trolls to move in on yet another intruder to the Hogwarts Idol stage.

'What?' the girl asked.

'Who are you?' SDC asked. 'I'm a Shakespearean actress. Who are you?' 'We're the hosts of Hogwarts Idol!' Erin interrupted. 'Omigod! Hogwarts Idol! So you mean this isn't the Shakespeare auditions?'

'No, they're down the hall, third door on the right,' Erin explained. 'Oh, thanks! Hi Mum!' the actress waved cheerily and exited the stage. The crowd cheered again, just for the hell of it, "Romeo art thataway" SDC called as she waved her away.

'Okay, next up, here's Draco!' SDC said with mock enthusiasm. Draco walked out, wearing another outfit conjured from a Britney video, this time _Oops I Did It Again_. The crowed hooted with laughter, and started to throw rotten fruit (Lets face it Britney's look just doesn't work for boys does it?)

He was flanked by Crabbe, Goyle and a dozen house elves, all dressed in silly little tutus and wigs. Through this attack Draco was still smirking, as ever he was up to no good.

He had placed a charm on the judges to make them think that he was singing _Oops I Did It Again_ while everyone else heard SpongeBob. It wasn't working too well…the judges looked puzzled as they heard;-

_Oops I Di-_ **SquarePants-** _it again_.

_I played with_- **a pineapple under the sea-**

_Got lost in_- **nautical nonsense** - _oh baby_- **SpongeBob-**

_Oops you thi_- **flop like a fish-** _got sent from_- **yellow and porous is-**

_I'm not that_ – **SpongeBob SquarePants…**

The charm relied on Draco maintaining eye contact with the judges, and his house elf backing dancers were prancing around the stage, frequently falling on each other, and getting between Draco and the judges.

When this disgrace of a performance finally finished, the audience, hosts, camera and stage crew all slowly removed their fingers from their ears. 1 point cards were held up by the fuming judges, Dumbledore had realised what Draco was up to and was holding up another card telling Draco that he'd lost Slytherin another 50 house points for his trick.

A furious silence loomed over the huge set of Hogwarts Idol, even the Slytherin's were annoyed with Draco now, if he lost them any more house points they wouldn't be going to Hogsmeade next weekend .

Draco was about to stalk sulkily offstage when Ginny ran out and SDC and Erin blocked the exits. The crowd cheered madly for Ginny. She burst into song.

_Hush, just stop  
There's nothing you can do or say, baby  
I've had enough  
I'm not your property as from today, baby  
You might think that I won't make it on my own  
But now I'm…  
Stronger than yesterday  
Now it's nothing but my way_

As she danced across the stage she kicked out and sent Crabbe and Goyle sailing over the crowd to where her brothers were waiting to tie them up. Draco looked around in horror. His only escape was a ten foot drop into a crowd of Gryffindors. Before he could decide what to do, he was crashing through the roof of the building. 'AAAARRRGH!' he screamed as Ginny's kung-fu butt kick sent him up, up and away!

_My loneliness ain't killing me no more  
I'm stronger_

_Thant I ever thought that I could be, baby  
I used to go with the flow  
Didn't really care 'bout me  
You might think that I can't take it, but you're wrong_

The crowd cheered crazily (even the Slytherins), they waved big hands, they stamped their feet, they screamed 'til they were hoarse. Ginny bowed and waved as the judges presented their scores- a whole **10** points! 'Congratulations, Ginny!' Erin managed to yell over the fanatical crowd. 'Silencio!' SDC bellowed, pointing her magic wand at the crowd. 'Phew!' she gasped "Stay tuned for round 6…Heavy Metal!'SDC waved her wand again, allowing the crowd to continue it's cheering, SDC and Erin flicked their hair over their faces and lead the crowd in a massive head banging dance to the sounds of Black Sabbaths song 'Paranoid'

"It's a pity that Snape is a gone burger" Erin shouted "he'd be a dead ringer for Ozzy Osborne!!!!!"


	6. Round 6 RockHeavy Metal

**Round 6: Rock/Heavy Metal**

The lights of Hogwarts Idol stage lit up once again to reveal SDC and Erin pounding their guitars on the ground and head-banging furiously to Black Sabbath. They were both imitating rock stars with torn tank tops, ripped jeans and spiky wristbands. When the song finished, they both whacked their guitars violently on the judges' table, accidentally taking out Lee Jordan, who had been about to sign them up to his new record company.

'Oops, our bad,' SDC and Erin said, looking guiltily at the stretcher carrying Lee off to the Hospital Wing. 'Anyways, moving on, welcome to Hogwarts Idol for round six: heavy metal!' SDC screamed to the wildly applauding crowd. 'Due to Lee's rather unfortunate accident-'Erin and SDC smirked at each other '-we have a guest judge tonight, Oliver Wood, Gryffindor Quidditch captain!' The female population of the crowd began screaming hysterically as the hot Keeper strode onto the stage and plonked himself down in Lee's empty chair, eyeing the guitars warily.

SDC and Erin stared at him for a moment, then released what was happening, and hastily continued, 'Thankfully, due to last week's horrific and disturbing performance, Snape has left the competition.' This news was greeted by an uproarious cheer from the crowd. 'And now, our first Idol performing tonight is Hermione!' SDC and Erin were about to go and flirt with Oliver Wood when Snape, foaming at the mouth with rage, pushed past Hermione and stormed onto the stage. Thankfully, he had replaced SDC's Britney outfit with his usual cloak and robes. 'I told you I'd have my revenge!' he ranted maniacally. 'Play the CD!' he shouted to the sound booth. He smiled smugly to himself when the first 'bam bam' of the Crazy Frog song played from the giant speakers. 'NOOOOO!!!!!!! Get it off! Get it off!' screamed SDC and Erin, sinking to their knees and clutching at their ears to try and stop the horrible sound entering their ear drums. A raven-haired girl in the audience stood up and started chucking pineapples at Snape, but missed and they hit SDC instead, giving her a golf ball sized bruise on the side of her head. 'Security!' Erin cried repeatedly, but no one came. For unexplained reasons, the Crazy Frog put the security trolls to sleep. SDC found herself wishing it had the same effect on her.

'I'll stop him!' a voice from the crowd cried. SDC and Erin looked up hopefully, dodging Charmed Ravenclaw's pineapples. A werewolf girl sprung forward and howled at the moon which was conveniently painted on the ceiling. She transformed to a wolf and charged at Snape, bowling him over. SDC managed to scramble forward on her knees and yank the cord out of the speakers, ceasing the Crazy Frog, silence echoing around the hall.

Meanwhile, the werewolf had Snape in a headlock, and was gnashing her long, pointed teeth viciously. 'Ok, ok. I won't come back, I promise!' Snape was whimpering, while a wet patch was forming in his trousers. 'Good!' the werewolf said, releasing him. Snape scampered away faster than a speeding bullet.

'How can we ever repay you?' Erin asked the werewolf, who had now transformed back into a girl. 'Don't worry, I have a part in Hogwarts Idol that's all the thanks I need!' she replied. 'Well, okay then. Thank you!' SDC said. She turned back to the audience, who were gradually emerging from under their seats; looking around to be sure the crazy Snape and his stupid frog were really gone. 'Sorry for that slight…er….disturbance, let's begin tonight's competition with Hermione!'

This time Hermione came onstage, looking not in the least disgruntled by what had just happened. She also looked like a rock star, all in black with a red bandana tied around her forehead. Her song began with a huge rock intro, guitars thrashed, drums pounded, lights flared and Hermione used her wand to destroy various instruments without even breaking a nail. SDC and Erin smiled as they watched the audience start to bang their heads in time to the beat, the place was ROCKIN', but the audience looked around, confused, as the music stopped and she began to sing:

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,_

_How I wonder what you are_

_Up above the world so high_

_Like a diamond in the sky._

_Twinkle, twinkle little star,_

_How I wonder what you are_

The audience cheered a little uncertainly. The raven-haired girl threw another pineapple for the sake of it, "Twinkle that Hermione!" she shouted. 'As much I love that song, Hermione, it's not exactly heavy metal…, not even rock, it's barely even music' SDC pointed out.

Hermione stared, devastated, as the judges held up 3 point score cards. "What? That's not possible! It's inconceivable!" Hermione wailed and burst into tears. It had been a fantastic performance, but not a great choice of song. Hermione ran offstage, still bawling her eyes out. 'We're really sorry about that, Hermione, but maybe somebody will do worse than you!' Erin called after her in an almost convincing voice. The other contestants glared at her. 'Uh, yeah, anyway, next up is Draco! Oh, no…'she muttered the last part so that he wouldn't hear her. Draco came out with a bright yellow guitar and he was dressed like a starfish. SDC sighed and blocked her ears, while Erin resorted to hiding behind the speakers. Head banging furiously, Draco began:

Are you ready, Hogwarts?

'Never!' cried the audience.

I said, are you ready?

'We told you, NO!'

"Uh, oh well…" with a full on feedback power chord blazing from his axe, Draco began to chant,

_"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  
Spongebob Squarepants!  
Absorbent & yellow & as porous is he!  
Spongebob Squarepants!  
If nautical nonsense be something you wish  
Spongebob Squarepants!  
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish  
Spongebob Squarepants!"_

Draco thrashed into his guitar, tearing out a powerful solo, the crowd was beginning to enjoy this, as he leaped and strutted about the stage – "Could Draco really be a rock god?" they wondered.  
He growled out the chorus,  
_Spongebob Squarepants  
Spongebob Squarepants  
Spongebob Squarepants  
Spongebob Squarepants!"_

He finished his song, chest heaving and fingers bleeding on the fret board, sweat was rolling off him, he raised his guitar above his head and began smashing it to pieces against the stage. The security trolls carefully approached and guided him from the stage – the audience looked on, this was the most astonishing performance they'd seen yet. "Draco! Omigod! Draco! I love you! I'm your biggest fan!" another girl jumped out from the crowd and started to hug Draco. "Yeah, biggest and _only_ fan," SDC whispered to Erin, they doubled over in laughter. The raven-haired girl stood up once again and threw pineapples at a startled looking Draco and his biggest fan.

Draco's biggest fan caught a pineapple and threw it back at the raven-haired girl, hitting her smack in the face. 'Food fight!' Fred and George yelled, as the girl toppled like a tree. Before they could conjure more food, SDC's voice boomed over the hall. 'Will all those standing up and throwing pineapples please sit down and refrain from throwing large yellow fruit until _after _the show. I repeat: please refrain from throwing pineapples until _after_ the show! Thank you.'

Taking advantage of the pause, the stunned and confused raven-haired girl, retaliated. She threw more pineapples, which hit SDC and Erin. 'We'll have you banned!' Erin bellowed. The girl stopped immediately and dropped obediently into her seat.

As the audience gradually settled down, the judges grudgingly gave Draco 8 points, causing Hermione to clutch Ron and sob loudly on his shoulder.

"Moving on!" SDC sighed. "Here's Ginny!" Draco looked terrified, he was trapped onstage again with Ginny closing in fast! Ginny strode into stage, dressed up like a member of Green Day. Erin smiled delightedly.

Ginny faced Draco and begin to sing……….

_"Don't wanna be a Slytherin idiot.  
Don't want Spongebob to win this competition  
And can you see the food thrown from the audience?  
At the loser who calls himself a death eater._

_Welcome to a new kind of Idol.  
All across Hogwarts castle  
Nothing can ever be okay.  
Hopeless talents dream of tomorrow  
When they try to impress the judges once again…_

_Convincing them to vote for you." _

Ginny broke into an amazing instrumental on her bass guitar, while the audience cheered crazily and the Slytherins all glared at Ginny. Draco stormed off stage before Ginny could get another swing at him. When she was finished, it took SDC several minutes to regain control of the crowd by herself, as Erin was madly screaming 'GINNY ROCKS!!!!' at the top of her voice. 'Silencio!' SDC cried and waved her wand at the crowd. They continued to shout, although their mouths were making no sound. The judges held up 9 point score cards, and Ginny smiled, bowed, and walked offstage. When SDC thought it was safe to remove the silencing spell, she began to speak again. 'That was a great performance!' Erin continued 'Our last contestant tonight, M.C. Gonagall!' Dumbledore cheered especially hard as M.C. Gonagall came onstage. Just as rocking as ever, M.C. Gonagall rapped her heavy metal song choice:

_Say your prayers little one  
Don't forget, my son  
To include everyone  
Tuck you in, warm within  
Keep you free from sin  
Till the sandman he comes  
Sleep with one eye open  
Gripping your pillow tight  
Exit: light the lights cut dramatically  
Enter: night Streams of sparks erupted from SDC and Erin's wands  
Take my hand  
Off to Never Never Land  
Something's wrong, shut the light  
Heavy thoughts tonight  
And they aren't of Snow White  
Dreams of war, dreams of liars  
Dreams of dragon's fire  
And of things that will bite…_ouch!

A stray, insane house elf that was lost on the set came up and bit M.C. Gonagall hard on the leg. 'What was that for, yo?' she demanded, but the house elf had already tottered off towards the audience. Despite the rather random end to her song, M.C. Gonagall scored an 8 from both Oliver Wood and Professor Sprout, and a 10 (as always) from Dumbledore. The audience cheered and waved their hands in the air, and unexpectedly, M.C. Gonagall leapt into the crowd and was passed around the hall on the hands of many adoring students. She managed to stay well clear of the Slytherins, however, who were in a lethal rage at having been insulted by Ginny.

'Come back next time when we announce the top three idols!' Erin said, before yelling 'Take it away, Ginny!' and the hosts head banged with the rest of Hogwarts as Ginny played them out. All of the Slytherins followed Draco out of the Great Hall, looking sulky and angry. With a contemptuous look at SDC and Erin, Snape hurried off after them to reveal his next plan to sabotage the competition.


	7. Round 7 Reggae

**Round 7 - Reggae**

A/N: Hey everyone! This is the penultimate chapter of Hogwarts Idol _gasp_ I'd just like to thank every single one of my reviewers, you guys are the best! SDC xx

Disclaimer: As you may have already figured out, I do not own Harry Potter, any songs used, any movies or TV shows referred to, or Idol. All song lyrics were found on www.lyrics. and I don't own those either. Thank you.

The lights lit up the stage of Hogwarts Idol to reveal a huge Jamaican flag plastered across the backdrop. The crowd cheered raucously as SDC and Erin came onstage to the sound of the steel drums in the corner. They were both wearing colourful Jamaican garments and Rastafarian hats. "Ello everyone welcum to Hogwarts Idol mon!" SDC had cast a "Rastafarian" spell on herself to make it sound more authentic. "Reespek to da Hermione gyal who we had to say "jah guide" to las' show mon! But everythink is all the fruits ripe coz we got tree more bwoys and gyals ready to sing tonite," SDC continued. Erin began to frantically conjure magical subtitles as her co-host rambled on in a language only she understood. The subtitles scrolled across the stage: _Hello everyone and welcome to Hogwarts Idol. Respect to Hermione, who we had to say goodbye to last show. But it's all good because we have three more boys and girls ready to sing tonight_. The school sighed in understanding. "So that's what she was on about!"

SDC continued to blabber on. Eventually Erin gave up trying to make sense of it and cast a silencing charm on SDC so that she could get on with the show.

SDC continued to talk for a few minutes, before realising that no sound was coming from her mouth. So she shrugged, smiled at the cough _legal immigrants_ cough steel drum band and began to dance the runner man as Erin talked.

Erin summoned a spotlight to herself and began: "Welcome to Hogwarts Idol! Our final three contestants tonight are ready and rearing to go, so let's start with M.C. Gonagall!" Erin levitated the still-dancing SDC towards the side of the stage to get her out of M.C. Gonagall's way. She decided it was safe to remove the silencing charm, as SDC appeared to be off in her own world (Mon).

M.C. Gonagall opened her cloak to reveal her "Legalise it!" tee shirt, and began to sing the old reggae classic, 'Kingston Town':-

_"The night seems to fade,  
But the moonlight lingers on  
There are wonders for everyone  
The stars shine so bright,  
But they're fading after dawn  
There is magic in Kingston Town…"_

As she sang, her voice became higher and higher. Unbeknownst to her, Draco had placed a helium curse on her, so that her voice soon rose out of the range of human hearing. Although she was singing loudly, only the bats that haunted the Hogwarts belfry could hear her. To the students and judges it looked like a bizarre mime act as M.C danced around, her mouth gaping like a goldfish, holding her throat in dismay.

Soon the bats began to fill the hall, hanging from the rafters; they were loving this – heck, after the constant ringing of bells in the belfry, anything was good - and began to sway and dance to the high-pitched reggae beat. The bats clapped their wings in pleasure as M.C. Gonagall finished. Everyone else looked around, bemused. SDC continued to dance, and Erin was glancing anxiously between her wand and M.C. Gonagall, afraid that her silencing charm might have back-fired.

Seizing control of the situation, Dumbledore rose to his feet and holding his score cards in his hand addressed M.C Gonagall – "Minerva, my dear I'm so sorry – we couldn't hear a word, I'm afraid we have to give you …..No points". The school were shocked; Emerald Eyes sprinted down from the audience. "Noooooooo it can't be true!" she cried as she threw herself at MC Gonagall's feet, sobbing hysterically. Security trolls discretely cleared MC and Emerald Eyes from the stage, as SDC continued to dance in a funky rasta way, to the cough i legal immigrants /i cough steel band in her head.

"Oh my goodness gracious me" Erin said as she stepped back into centre stage. "I can't understand what could have happened to poor M.C's voice". She giggled nervously and pushed her wand further up her sleeve. Suddenly, she noticed Draco in the wings. His evil smirk told her that her silencing spell had nothing to do with M.C's sudden mime performance………"Why you rotten little Slyth-!!!!!" she exploded, then realized that the producer was signalling for her to get on with the show. "Ahem, yes thanks M.C, perhaps we'll be doing Marcel Marseau next round".

This broke the tension that had filled the hall; the audience laughed nervously, and then gradually began to applaud. The noise scared the bats who swooped around the hall like a dark cloud, before flying silently off after their new hero, M.C Gonagall 'Queen of the bats!' And still SDC danced in a funky rasta styleee at the side of the stage.

"Moving right along," boomed Erin, "everyone's favourite Weasley. Yes let's have a warm Hogwarts welcome for the very talented, and hopefully audible, Ginny!" Erin whooped as the cough _legal immigrants_ cough steel band bounced into the introduction to the wonderful Bob Marley classic 'I Shot the Sheriff' and Ginny, looking like a cross between a western gun slinger and Jamaican Rasta queen, began to sing some subtly different words ;-

_I shot the SpongeBob  
But I didn't shoot no Pat-r-ick, oh no! oh!  
Yes, I shot the SpongeBob  
But I didn't shoot Pat-r-ick, no, ooh, ooh, oo-ooh.)  
Yeah! all around in my home town,  
They're tryin' to track me down;  
They say they want to bring me in guilty  
For the killing of a Pat-r-ick,  
For the life of a Pat-r-ick.  
But I say:_

_Oh, now, now. oh!  
(I shot the SpongeBob.) - the SpongeBob.  
(but I swear it was in self defence.)  
Oh, no! (ooh, ooh, oo-oh) yeah!  
I say: I shot the SpongeBob - oh, lord! -  
(and they say it is a capital offence.)  
Yeah! (ooh, ooh, oo-oh) yeah!_

_SpongeBob square pants always drove me mad,  
Just why, you all know:  
Every time I turned on T.V,  
He was there, right under the sea -  
He was there, right under the sea.  
And so:_

_Read it in the news:  
(I shot the SpongeBob.) oh, lord!  
(but I swear it was in self-defence.)  
Where was the Patrick? (oo-oo-oh)  
I say: I shot the SpongeBob,  
But I swear it was in self defence. (oo-oh) yeah!_

_Freedom came my way one day  
And I started out of town, yeah!  
Then, all of a sudden I saw SpongeBob_

_He was aiming to shoot Pineapple at me,  
So I shot - I shot - I shot him down,_

_and I say:  
If I am guilty I will pay._

Ginny ended by blasting a SpongeBob toy with a firebolt from her wand. Draco hid behind the cough _legal immigrants_ cough steel drum band. The non-SpongeBob loving part of the audience (Everyone, except Draco) filled the Great Hall with cheering and clapping, as little fragments of sponge rained down on them. They couldn't care less if Ginny was guilty; shooting SpongeBob was no crime in their eyes. The sound was so loud that the house elves from the kitchen below cowered in the cooking pots in case they were somehow to blame for all the fuss, and the school ghosts raced in to the hall to see if someone famous had arrived. Draco looked on fuming at this insult to his beloved SpongeBob. The anger flared in his eyes as Ginny took bow after bow, and the judges waved their 10 points cards above their heads!

Throughout all this, SDC continued to dance in that funky rasta style to the music in her head. Erin glanced worriedly at her co-host, before stepping up to centre stage once again.

"Well that was a fantastic performance Gin-" The lights suddenly all went out. "What happened?!" Erin yelled. Several members of the audience (including Crabbe and Goyle) screamed loudly. A spotlight appeared high up in the rafters. Standing there, wobbling precariously on a rather unsteady looking beam was Snape. He was wearing a long black cloak and a mask that covered half of his face. He began to drone the words of 'The Phantom of the Opera' sounding truly tone-deaf. The crowd began to boo spiritedly, while Charmed Ravenclaw tirelessly aimed pineapples at Snape. Unfortunately, she wasn't a very good thrower and all the pineapples landed 20 feet short and fell on SDC's head. Instead of screaming at Charmed Ravenclaw, she continued to dance, moving quickly out of the way.

Meanwhile, Erin stood glaring at Snape. "If you try to sabotage this competition again, we'll…we'll…um…steal your teddy bear!" she cried. Everyone looked at her. "Oh come on, like you could have done better!" she shrieked, rounding on the audience. Dumbledore quickly stood up. "Enough!" he said. The hall immediately fell silent, except for Snape, who was still wailing tunelessly. Dumbledore pointed his wand at Snape, and, shaking it to make sure it wasn't going to turn into a rubber chicken, yelled "Petrificus Totalus!" Before Snape even realised what was happening, he was crashing to the floor, his whole body stiff and rigid. "Right," Dumbledore said, dusting off his hands. "Let's get on with the show, shall we?" Erin stood and stared at Snape, who lay on top of the pile of pineapples that had not-so-mysteriously accumulated beneath the rafters.

Dumbledore coughed impatiently, snapping Erin out of her amused daze. As she turned around to face the audience again, the security trolls swept Snape and all the pineapples offstage using a huge broom. In a sombre voice she said "Once again, we would like to apologize for Professor Snape's behaviour tonight. We believe that he may be mentally unstable, but that's nothing to do with us. Please don't sue us, we're scared of lawyers. Thank you." She once again became bubbly and enthusiastic "Moving on, our final contestant tonight, Draco!" After the hectic events of the night, the crowd couldn't even muster the strength to pretend that this was going to be enjoyable.

Draco walked up scowling at Ginny. He was wearing a Rasta hat with fake dreadlocks with his SpongeBob ensemble. The cough _legal immigrants _cough steel drum band played a fantastic reggae intro while Draco busted some moves that almost rivalled SDC's. (Ok, no they didn't, I'm just being nice). The crowd actually started to get into it, but quickly stopped when Draco started singing:

_Who live in a pineapple unda da sea?_

_SpongeBob Squarepants mon!_

_Absorbent and yellow and porous is this bwoy!  
(SpongeBob SquarePants mon!)  
If nautical nonsense be somethink ya wish...  
(SpongeBob SquarePants mon!)  
Then drop on da deck and flop like a fish mon!  
(SpongeBob SquarePants mon!)  
SpongeBob SquarePants mon! SpongeBob SquarePants mon!  
SpongeBob SquarePants mon!  
SpongeBob... SquarePants!' _

Grudgingly, the judges awarded Draco 1 point each. At least he could be heard by the human population of the audience. The school, meanwhile, began to boo and chuck mangoes at Draco. "Git outta here ya's jus a loser mon!" shouted Lee Jordan "an' stop al dis reggae stylee, I and I is de cool rasta character ina de HP books, Mon!". On the stage SDC once again danced around the flying fruit, oblivious to what was going on. As Draco sprinted offstage, Erin came back on, dodging the mangoes. "Well, unfortunately, that means that Draco is through to the final with Ginny, as M.C. Gonagall scored no points. I'm so, so sorry, guys." Three quarters of the audience stared, not daring to believe their ears._ Draco_ In the final of a _singing competition_ What was the world coming to? The Slytherins couldn't believe that the talent less Draco had made it this far but, hey, he _is_ still a Slytherin. That must be good...

The only other sounds that could be heard in the hall, almost drowned by the rowdy Slytherins, were Emerald Eyes' faint wailing and SDC humming "I Shot the SpongeBob" as she danced. The curtain began to close as Erin frantically yelled "But don't forget to tune in tomorrow night for the contestants' choice Hogwarts Idol grand finale!" The audience filed quietly out of the hall, the Slytherins jeering at the other students.

SDC finally snapped out of her daze. "What's up?" she asked. Erin spun around, fuming. "The show's over, you lunatic! You made me do the whole thing by myself! What were you thi-" SDC calmly interrupted "So, did you guys kick Draco out?" Erin glanced nervously around. "Well, um…not…not exactly…" she stammered. "What?" SDC rounded on the judges. "You let HIM through to the final?!" she cried, stabbing a finger at Draco, who was trying to sneak away quickly to avoid getting kicked by Ginny, who was not happy. Ginny's pursuit of the 'Slytherin Idiot', was made easier because Draco couldn't get past the cough _legal immigrant_ cough band who were nervously scrabbling out of the hall before the Aurors from the Ministry of Magic could find them.

Emerald Eyes rushed up to SDC. "M.C. Gonagall's out!" she wailed, her eyes filled with tears. The horrible truth suddenly dawned on SDC. "Nooooooooooo!" she screamed. So shrill was her cry that the bats were again startled from the Belfry. SDC and Emerald Eyes sank, sobbing and gasping, to the ground, where they sat and cried. Erin stood around uncertainly, wondering what to do. Eventually she pried the two apart and dragged SDC off to tell her about what had happened on the show, and tried to calm her down so they could start working on the script for the finale.


	8. Round 8 Gran Finale!

** Hogwarts Idol – Grand Finale**

A/N: Welcome everyone to the grand finale of Hogwarts Idol! I hope you enjoy it! Look out for Hogwarts Idol 2, the sequel I am currently writing to this fic!

High excitement at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, tonight would be the finale of 'Hogwarts Idol', the wizarding world's first reality show.

The curtain came up on the Hogwarts Idol stage. It was colourfully decorated with balloons and confetti levitating in the air, and above the stage fairies flew and unicorns galloped, the filled hall gasped in awe. SDC and Erin emerged from the wings to applause so loud the castle shook. SDC and Erin were wearing matching outfits: jeans, red tank tops and 'Down with SpongeBob' badges. "Welcome to Hogwarts Idol for our spectacular grand finale!" they shouted. "After seven rounds of fierce competition, our 10 contestants have been narrowed down to two finalists: Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy!" A cheer went up from the crowd.

"Tonight, we would like to welcome our very special celebrity judges: Dumbledore, Oliver Wood, Lee Jordan and Professor Sprout and extra special guests, our previous contestants! Hi guys!" SDC and Erin waved to the seven people seated in the top box, high above the stage. "They have all consented to join us tonight, apart from Professor Snape, who mysteriously fell ill when we went to ask him. And SDC's Britney outfit is also missing, so if anyone finds it, she would like it returned!" Erin announced looking cautiously around the stage in case Snape was lurking in the wings. As SDC and Erin continued to warm up the crowd, the two finalists stood backstage…

Draco felt rather confident. Earlier that week, he had gone around and bribed every single person in Hogwarts with 10 Galleons to vote for him instead of Ginny. Little did he know that no one actually intended to vote for him, they just wanted some cash. Even the Slytherins were only pretending to support him. Ginny, knowing this, was quietly confident. They received their cue on the speakerphone to get ready to go on. Draco strutted off as though he had already won, while Ginny made her way to the wings, smiling as she thought about the trick she had up her sleeve.

"…and so, to start us off tonight, the Slytherin Idiot himself, Draco!" SDC hollered. The Slytherins cheered, while the rest of the school booed loudly. Draco pranced onstage wearing his square leather pants and red tie. SDC and Erin, bored to tears of Draco's on-going song choice, pulled out their MP3 players and listened to something much more exciting. The Slytherin's began to chant along with Draco as he began:

_Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?_

_SpongeBob Squarepants!_

_Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!_

_(SpongeBob Squarepants!)  
If nautical nonsense be something you wish...  
(SpongeBob Squarepants)  
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!  
(SpongeBob SquarePants) _

Draco began to dance around the stage, arms flailing wildly. He jumped about as he shouted the final words of his song into the microphone, nearly deafening the sound crew.

_SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!  
SpongeBob SquarePants!  
SpongeBob... SquarePants!'_

The Slytherin's cheered as the rest of the crowd booed. "Sucker!" thought the Slytherins, "He actually thinks we're going to vote for him! Ha!"

SDC and Erin, realising that the performance was over, hastily pulled out their earphones and danced back onstage. "Well, thank you Draco!" Erin said. The judges held up 3 point score cards. "I think we just missed Draco's highest-scoring performance" SDC whispered to Erin. "Oh bummer, big shame," Erin said sarcastically.Ignoring the triumphant Draco she turned the the expectant crowd "Moving right along, here's our second finalist, the one, the only, Ginny Weasley!" they cried. The hall went crazy, "Go Ginny" banners waved in every corner, girls screamed, boys hooted and even the judges cheered loudly. Draco was once again trapped onstage, this time by the near-deaf sound crew, all angry that he had frazzled their ear drums. He looked around in horror. "Not again!" he whimpered. As Ginny strode onstage wearing denim cut-off shorts, a plaid shirt, a cowboy hat and boots, the cough _no really we're legal immigrants_ cough steel drum band began to play the tune to "These Boots Were Made for Walking". SDC and Erin waved their wands and were instantly wearing similar outfits. They began dancing behind Ginny as she sang:

_You keep singing Spongebob, it annoys me  
Why can't you just sing another song?  
You should know what happens when you bug me,  
Now I'm gonna show you what I mean_

_These boots are made for stompin'  
And that's just what they'll do_

_One of these days these boots are gonna stomp all over you_

_You keep saying  
You're a real great wizard,_

_Something you call pure blood_

_But confess_

_When it comes to singin'  
you ain't no good,_

_Admit it Draco,_

_You're just second-best_

_Well, these boots are made for stompin'_

_And that's just what they'll do  
Today's the day these boots are gonna stomp all over you_

"Are you ready, boots?  
Start stompin' "

Before Ginny joined SDC and Erin's dance, she waved her wand and a pair of gigantic enchanted boots stomped forward. Draco wailed and ran around the stage, trying to avoid the charmed boots. The crowd laughed hysterically, this was the best thing they'd seen all day. When the music ended, Ginny bowed, and the crowd stopped laughing long enough to give her a humongous cheer. "Thank you Ginny!" said Erin, breathing heavily and resisting the urge to laugh at Draco along with the crowd. The judges scored her a whole ten points. "Well done!" SDC called to her. "But remember Hogwarts, this competition is down to you guys! Everyone cast your votes… now!" Hundreds of spells zoomed around the hall, flying into either one of two boxes labelled "Ginny" and "Draco".

Meanwhile, Draco was still sprinting around the stage, screaming. The boots only missed him by an inch. Once everyone had voted, SDC announced "Now, while two Aurors from the Ministry count up those votes, we welcome up to stage all the former contestants and judges to lead us for a Hogwarts sing-a-long!"

There was a loud **_bang_** as they apparated onto the huge Hogwarts idol stage behind SDC and Erin. Ginny had gone backstage to have a break, and Draco was still running from the enchanted boots. Contestants, judges, and students all began head banging furiously as the intro to 'I Love Rock 'n' Roll" played. SDC and Erin began to sing, and gradually the rest of the school joined in.

At the end of the performance, Snape burst out from the wings, wearing SDC's missing Britney outfit. "Oh my god! Ok, guys, I don't want it back now!" she grimaced, cringing at the sight of Snape.

'I should have been the winner! It was meant to be! What is wrong with you people?!" Snape ranted. The raven-haired girl threw a pineapple at him. "We would never wanna idolize _you_!" she shouted. The rest of Hogwarts yelled their agreement. "Security!" screamed SDC and Erin. The MIB trolls wrestled Snape from the stage. "You'll pay for this in potions! Maybe not tomorrow! Maybe not the next day! But one day, when you least expect it, you will!" Snape could still be heard shouting threats, until the MIB trolls threw him out of the hall (from a very high window).

"Now, Aurors, do we have a winner?" Erin asked as Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt emerged from the antechamber where they had been counting the votes. "Yes!" Tonks said. She handed the golden envelope to SDC and Erin. An "ooh!" went through the crowd. "And….the….winner….is……drum roll please…." SDC and Erin said, drawing out every syllable. The cough _no really we're legal immigrants _cough steel drum band pounded their drums. The Magical Office of Immigration police pounded on the door. "Hey, mon, if you're gonna pound the door, do it in time mon!" yelled one of the drummers. "Whoops sorry!" yelled back the policemen, and they joined the drum roll.

SDC and Erin slowly opened the envelope…the band clashed to a crescendo and the hosts yelled: "The votes have been counted and….Ginny: 783, Draco: 3. Which means, Ginny wins!" There was thunderous applause, and balloons and confetti fell from the roof. Fireworks erupted in the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall. Suddenly, Draco yelled "WAIT! I demand a recount!" SDC and Erin looked at each other. "Oh, right then, let's see. Oh, sorry Draco, you're right. We were wrong, you only got two votes!" Draco looked shocked and angry at the same time. "But, but, but…." He sputtered. "I can't lose to…to…to…HER!" he shouted, pointing at Ginny, who was taking bow after bow.

"Sorry Draco, but that's the way the cookie crumbles," SDC said. Draco didn't look any less disappointed. "But wait a minute…how come Draco got _two_ votes? I mean, it's obvious that he voted for himself-"

"Hey!" Draco cried, looking indignant.

"-but who was the other voter?" SDC asked. Erin laughed nervously. "Um, it was…me…" she said timidly. "WHAT?!" SDC's shout quieted the whole school. "Why?" she demanded. "Well, I just wanted to make it fair, you know, for Draco…" Erin mumbled. SDC looked stunned. "You idiot! It's not supposed to be fair!" With that, SDC conjured a giant inflatable hammer, which she chased Erin around the stage with for several minutes.

Dumbledore took one of their abandoned microphones. "Quiet everyone, I want to make a speech," he said. Everyone except SDC and Erin stopped and turned to look at him. "Thank you to everyone who has participated in and supported Hogwarts Idol. Now that the competition is over, we must return to our studies-"The students booed. "-but we can remember the fun times by purchasing the Idol CD, on sale next week from Wizard Record stores nationwide!" Dumbledore said. "Oh, and the house with the least number of House points will be cleaning up the hall tonight." The Slytherins groaned loudly. "Any complaints and you can alphabetize my pensieve collection too!" he added. The Slytherins promptly shut up.

SDC had finally finished chasing Erin. "And now, to play us out, Ginny will be singing her favourite song from the series. What will it be Ginny?" asked Erin. "Definitely 'He had it Coming'" Ginny replied, smiling devilishly. Draco tried to hide amongst the throngs of people on the stage, but they all parted so that Ginny got a clear shot. SDC and Erin transformed their costumes once again, and joined Ginny in singing.

By the end of the performance, Draco lay groaning on the floor at Ginny's feet, only semi-conscious. The crowd cheered madly. As the crowd partied to the music of the cough _no really we're legal immigrants _cough steel drum band, SDC and Erin addressed the TV camera. "We want to thank everyone for watching Hogwarts Idol, all the voters and especially our wonderful (well,mostly) performers. Stay tuned for the next Hogwarts reality show, sure to be coming your way soon!" SDC and Erin bowed. Dumbledore stumbled up behind them. "I wanted the last word!" he wailed. "You already had your speech, get lost!" Erin told him. "Bye everyone!" SDC and Erin called.

**THE END**

A/N: Well, guys, that's it! I hope you enjoyed it! I really want to thank everyone who has read, reviewed and liked my fic! A special thanks to my best friend Erin (yes, she's a real person) for putting up with whatever random thing I have her doing each chapter. Thanks guys! And watch this space for Hogwarts Idol 2! SDC xx)


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